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Description
Assume the Worst: The Graduation Speech You'll Never HearThis is Oh, the Places You'll Never Go the ultimate hilarious, cynical, but absolutely realistic view of a college graduate's future. And what he or she can or can't do about it. "This commencement address will never be given, because graduation speakers are supposed to offer encouragement and inspiration. That's not what you need. You need a warning." So begins Carl Hiaasen's attempt to prepare young men and women for their future. And who better to
This is Oh, the Places You'll Never Go--the ultimate hilarious, cynical, but absolutely realistic view of a college graduate's future. And what he or she can or can't do about it. "This commencement address will never be given, because graduation speakers are supposed to offer encouragement and inspiration. That's not what you need. You need a warning."So begins Carl Hiaasen's attempt to prepare young men and women for their future. And who better to warn them about their precarious paths forward than Carl Hiaasen? The answer, after reading Assume the Worst, is: Nobody.
And who better to illustrate--and with those illustrations, expand upon and cement Hiaasen's cynical point of view--than Roz Chast, best-selling author/illustrator and National Book Award winner? The answer again is easy: Nobody.
Following the format of Anna Quindlen's commencement address (Being Perfect) and George Saunders's commencement address (Congratulations, by the way), the collaboration of Hiaasen and Chast might look typical from the outside, but inside it is anything but.
This book is bound to be a classic, sold year after year come graduation time. Although it's also a good gift for anyone starting a job, getting married, or recently released from prison. Because it is not just funny. It is, in its own Hiaasen way, extremely wise and even hopeful. Well, it might not be full of hope, but there are certainly enough slivers of the stuff in there to more than keep us all going.
Binding Type: Hardcover
Publisher: Knopf Publishing Group
Published: 04/10/2018
ISBN: 9780525655015
Pages: 64
Weight: 0.35lbs
Size: 7.10h x 5.10w x 0.70d
Review Citations: Kirkus Reviews 01/01/0001
Voice of Youth Advocates 08/01/2018 - Recommended - Hard To Beat
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4.8 ★★★★★
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Product Reviews
★★★★★ 5
Easy to Hang
Color: Black, Size: 3 Pack
This shelf is easy to hang, comes with great anchors and looks perfect. The quality looks nice and is was an easy hanging process compared to other shelves. Worth it for the price.
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Reviewed in the United States on May 18, 2026
★★★★★ 5
One of the best deals available!
Color: White, Size: 2 Pack
Extremely sturdy, good looking and easy to install. I have a couple of dozen feet of assorted lengths in the kitchen, bedroom, living room and foyer. Holding all sorts of antique clocks, audio equipment and cooking stuff from my flours and assorted cornmeals to cases of powdered “lemonade”.
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Reviewed in the United States on April 18, 2026
★★★★★ 3
Okay shelves for the price: Install is a pain
Color: Maple Wood, Size: 3 Pack, Color: Maple Wood, Size: 3 Pack
The shelves themselves are mostly fine, they look as advertised on the wall and the laminate wood is nice. I haven't rigorously tested their weight, but they don't jiggle. I docked one star because it isn't totally flush with the wall (a few mm off) and one of the two screws that keeps the shelf in place wouldn't screw in flush with the board, leaving the sticker cover noticeably loose. I docked the other star because their claim that installation takes less than 5 minutes is entirely false. It took me at least one hour to install one shelf: I had to mark all 8 drywall holes on the wall very accurately and using a level, drill pilot holes (I didn't do this at first and one of the holes was misaligned), drill the full holes (I used a 1/4in bit), hammer in the anchors, screw in the mount (by hand because the mounting pipes blocked my power drill), attach the shelf with the two bottom screws (which took several tries to get close to flush), then clean up the drywall mess. Plus double check everything along the way because I don't want eight 1/4 in misaligned holes in my wall. That's all fine and somewhat expected, but they shouldn't make false claims about the installation ease and time. Any review that says it took them 5 minutes is by an extremely experienced handyman or a liar.
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Reviewed in the United States on September 15, 2024
★★★★★ 5
Good buy
Color: Black, Size: 24 inches
The shelves are very nice and look great in my bathroom. Easy to hang. Glad I purchased.
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Reviewed in the United States on May 2, 2026
★★★★★ 5
Good shelf
Color: Black, Size: 24 inches
Lightweight shelves. Easy to assemble
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Reviewed in the United States on May 12, 2026